Aunt Dorothy 2

Back in January, I wrote about my Aunt Dorothy. She had sent me a letter telling me how much she missed getting to see me and my family at the Christmas gathering this year. She sent pictures and updates about the people that were there and she wanted to know how my kids and everyone in my life were doing. I find family gatherings like that a bit stressful so I avoid them. But I wanted to see Dorothy so I had decided back in January that I was going to next year's Christmas party. I did not write a letter back to her. I did not call her. She died last night.

Yesterday, was the anniversary of her wedding. She had a nice dinner with my uncle, then went to bed and died in her sleep. She requested to be cremated and wants no funeral service. No one will get together for a final good bye. I was talking to my sister, L and we thought it was funny that she is the one person that never missed a family function and now isn't having one. The REALLY funny thing is how much I hate functions like these and how much I really wish I could go to this one.

When my father died, I wasn't there. My Mom pulled me aside and said it didn't matter that I wasn't there at the end of my Dad's life... that I had been there when it counted. I wasn't there when my Mom died either. I should have written back to Dorothy, I could have at least called.

Sometimes, I forget why I started writing this Blog in the first place. Some day, my kids will be able to look back and read these stories and maybe get to know their mother and little better than they would have without it. They may get to know the funny side and the side that was so proud of them. They will get to know what I did at work, what amused me and how lucky I feel to get to watch them grow into adults. They also get to know the imperfect, makes mistakes me. So, for today, I want to tell them that regrets suck. But everyone has them. We can only do the best we can do.

Good Bye Aunt Dorothy, rest in peace.

Aunt Dorothy

Ok, so Aunt Dorothy isn't really my aunt... but that is what I have always called her. She is actually my grandfather's twin sister. Aunt Dorothy was always very sickly. I remember as a child being led into a quiet room during family gatherings where aunt Dorothy would be. All of us kids would go in one or two at a time and be told to talk to Aunt Dorothy and say good bye. We had to go in with the knowledge that it was probably going to be the last time we'd ever see her. She always talked to us like we were all that mattered to her. She remembered little details... like what instrument we played or what books we liked to read, the kinds of details that other adults did not recall. I really liked her... but she scared me a bit because she seemed so breakable.

Well, its many, many years later and Aunt Dorothy sent me a letter. She sends things to me every once in awhile, just to keep in touch. Things like my mother's baptism record and pictures of my mom and uncles as a child. The letter was on real pretty colored stationary with a matching envelope... I thought that was cool. She wrote to me saying how much she missed seeing me, Pepper and all the kids (she named them all!) at the holiday gathering that our family had that I decided to skip this year. She also sent photo's of the party. There were lots of people in the pictures I hadn't thought about in a long while. I was disappointed that I missed seeing my cousin Kelly. I haven't seen her since her mother's funeral.... I was named after Kelly's mom. My Uncle Larry was there too, from Georgia. He is looking older. My favorite memories of him were watching him dive off the roof at family reunions into the pool... and his famous super-duper butt flip off our diving board that was always amazing! That was the fun, young Larry. The current Uncle Larry isn't as fun... he irks me every year when he sees Pete and Dill and asks who they are. Every year I tell him they are my sons and he loudly says, "You never gave birth to any kids." When I say, "Well, you didn't either!" I get to hear the fun, young Uncle Larry's laugh so I try to ease up on how agitated he can make me.

At the end of Aunt Dorothy's letter she thanked me for the written update in our Christmas card (Pepper wrote it this year) and told me how lucky my family and I were to have each other. Yeah, I am. I shouldn't be so hard on my relatives... there are lots of them I do like. I plan to go to the next family gathering... even though I know Uncle Larry still won't remember my kids!  Grrr....