To my oldest daughter in the year 2019

Dear Daughter, I have waited 10 years to give you this letter. Your teen years were rough on both of us. I felt like I was in a tight spot sometimes because you were the first, so I had no experience and I did not have my Mom to talk to about what I was like at 15… 16… 17 and so on. I do remember my mother telling her friends that I was worst at 15 and I know by 23 we were the best of friends, so I have had hope for you and I. I was so different then you as a teen. I was quiet and shy and did a lot of sulking and suffering in quiet desperation. You are so boisterous about every injustice and thing that you perceive as an unfair action. I think teen perception is definitely cloudy, it is like a superhero cape that makes a person feel invincible, super smart and all knowing, yet does not allow the feelings or needs of others to penetrate it. Teens have it rough. Going from childhood to adulthood is not easy. As a parent, sometimes it is painful to just witness it. Just like all babies hurt when they are teething…. There just is not a way to get around it. Parents can just be there and watch it happen. It is a part of growing up. In 2009, when you were 16, the economy was horrible. People all around us were losing their jobs and their livelihood. Foreclosures and bankruptcies were on the news daily. Pepper and I were pretty confident that we had enough seniority and jobs that were high enough in demand that we would not lose everything, but medical costs, groceries and gas prices made just day to day living challenging. It was a never-ending fiscal battle with you in those days. First, everyone but you had a cell phone, then texting capabilities, then contacts, then a school jacket. There were also the yearbooks, school pictures, fund raisers, new shoes for gym and new swim suits to match your swim team. There was money for the movies, date nights and dances. There were gifts for friend’s birthdays and “Secret swimmer buddies”. There were school trips and instruments… then instrument reeds. There were summer overnight camps and a flight to California with your church youth group. There was two parts of driver’s ed…each with their own fee and going to the Secretary of State to get a license. Then there were all the times I would finally get to drive my car… only to find the gas tank drained. Then we bought a third car, and thought there would be peace. You came home one day in early November telling us not to worry about the “F” you have in English and that asking you to empty the dishwasher was really more than we should ask. You mentioned you needed a laptop and a $500 Fastskin swim suit for your state swim meet. You also said we never compliment you or do anything for you. You said how no one understood how hard your life was… and that we did not care. You were angry that we paid for a housekeeper but refused to support your swimming by buying you the new suit. You stated loudly and repeatedly, “What do you want from me?! I am never good enough for you!!” You ran up to your room saying you hated your life and no one cared. I am so glad those days are long past us, daughter. I am so glad that we meet once a month for lunch and talk on the phone every Saturday and you tell me all about your life and loves and the things that make you happy. I am so glad that it is so easy to be together and that everyone can tell how comfortable we are with each other and that I love you and you love me. Those teen years were so hard…. I am glad it is not 2009 anymore! …. Of course, in 2009, your little brother Dill was 7. So he is 17 now. I am probably writing a letter to him “To my youngest son in the year 2029” ☺

Do I look like a driver's ed. instructor?

Tomorrow is Macy's birthday but I wanted to do a Dori post tonight because she has been so funny today. She has been working on her hours for drivers ed (Here in Michigan, she needs 50 total hours with a parent) so she can get a license. I let her drive while we were going to pick up wood pellets at TSC. Her attempt at parking when we first got there was quite amusing. She got out and walked around the truck and said, "at least I'm in the box" I said, "yep, four spaces worth!!" 

We went in, paid for the pellets, then came back to the truck. I drove up to the front so the guys could load the pellets. As we were finishing at the store, two bags broke so I had to go back in for a price adjustment. I handed Dori my keys and told her to move the truck back where it was (the big open box of four spaces in the back of the lot). I went in and realized I had left my purse and the receipt in the truck so I immediately turned and went back out. Dori came running up to me saying, "Mom, I hit the light!!" I said, "What? What light?" Dori says, "The one on the van that was in my way!" I said, "where is the truck?" She says, "It is still hitting the car!! Help me!" I go out and sure enough my passenger door was kissing the tail light of a minivan. The older couple who owned the minivan were both standing there looking at the situation. I waved to signal that I would fix the situation. I quickly got into the truck and backed it away from the van. The couple looked at the damage and said it was very minor and went on there way. 

Dori held it together until we got into the truck, then she bursts into tears and said, "I feel like an idiot!" I said, "Yes, things like this can make you feel that way. But no one was hurt and everything is going to be ok." She said she didn't know how it happened. I said, "Honey, those people were sitting in a PARKED car, how do you think it happened?" (Dori has the wonderful self-image of a teenager and has no concept that she is not all-knowing and perfect. Just one of the many gifts granted to teens! The idea that it could be her fault still hadn't registered!!)

Dori said, "The lady was sitting in the passenger seat, she could have warned me!!" I said, "So it's her fault that you hit her?" Without thinking she said, "Well she could have gotten out and said I was too close." I said, "So as the truck is getting closer to her minivan she should jump out and flag you away?" Dori is silent.... the silence is killing me. "Hmmm.... she could have jumped over the armrest and gotten in the drivers seat, started the van and moved for you." Dori rolls her eyes and said, "Mom, she was OLD... probably post-menopausal." I laughed- loud. Dori was not amused.

Bonus Dori Story- When we got home, we worked on making Christmas cut-out cookies. All 5 kids happily rolled out dough and cut out shapes and then placed the cookies on cookie sheets covered in parchment paper. Pepper was keeping the flour flowing and I was organizing the cookies on the trays and putting them into the oven. Things were going really well until the end. Pepper went to get the boys washed up and I was putting the last of the cookies into the oven. The cookies and the parchment paper slid off the cookie sheet, hit the bottom of the oven and burst into flames! (Parchment paper burns very well!!) I spent the next couple minutes putting out the parchment paper fire and then I started scraping the burnt cookies off the bottom of the oven. Dori walks over, sees the burnt cookies and says, "That's ok Mom, nobody was hurt, its going to be ok.... We'll just leave those cookies out for Santa." 

Thanks for reading... take care.