Saturday, April 16, 2011

Subject: The NEW Survivor show

This was an email sent to me by a friend from church….. thought it would be good to share….

Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show?

Five businessmen and five businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 23-28 (or more) students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.H.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 4 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and code red drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend staff development meetings, Individual Educational planning meetings and Parent-teacher Organization meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the ESL tests.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course and can go on the weekends, but with their new salary, they will not be able to afford it. There will be no access to expense accounts or vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to twenty-five minutes, as long as they can get all the students to and from the lunch room in a timely manner. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class, they also have the option to go during their 25 minute lunch break.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before or after school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. Although they should be aware that the school will run out of paper by mid-February, so they will need to make accommodations for that. They should also be prepared to wait in a line for the said copier, because all the other teachers in the building will also need to have access to it at the same time. They should also wear their coat down to the copy room because the heat goes off as soon as the students leave and it will be chilly waiting in line.

The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their own job. By the way…..If you think teaching is just a whole lot of money with summers off…. You are NOT a teacher! ☺

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