10th before 50...

This is my 49th post. Megamom keeps telling me that my 50th post is a big deal and I need to do something special for it. So I have an idea for my 50th, but I have wanted to wait to do that one until after I get through this one.... sort of like a reward to myself. My Mom should be 64. Sadly, tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of her death. They say time heals all wounds, but that is just BS. It just dulls them a bit.

I used to talk to my Mom on the phone at least once a week, usually on Saturday afternoons. Nothing earth shattering or important, just to touch base with each other. We talked about what was going on in each other's lives, what was happening with family members and we were writing a book together so we talked a lot about that. It took years for my stomach to not jump on a Saturday night thinking I had forgotten to call her. Recently, I got a junk email from a investigation company promising to provide my Mother's current phone number and address if I just paypalled them $39.95. I was tempted to do it because I really miss those calls. Think they have phones in heaven or at least a mailbox?

I often have a hard time visiting my youngest sister because she has so many of the same mannerisms that my Mom had. Sometimes it comforts me to remember things about my Mom's behavior by watching her but often it just makes me miss her more. It amazes me that my sister can still live in the same area that we lived in as kids.... every time I visit it just makes me sad.

Mom was very consistent as a parent. It made up for the fact that Dad was not really consistent at all. Mom had two responses whenever one of us kids asked her something (like going to a friends house or doing something special) either "No" or "Maybe". If she said no... we knew not to even bother talking about the topic anymore. If she said maybe, that was almost as good as a "yes". She would be open to hearing more about our idea or plan. I wish I did that with my own kids.... if I had started that when they were little I'd have a lot less arguing in my life now! She also did not really believe in hospitals...which is funny because she worked at our local hospital for years. She was the phone operator and knew everyone and every thing that went on there. Mom believed that any injury could be cured by one of 3 things.... cold water, an aspirin or a band-aid. If we were hurt or crying she would say "Go run cold water on it" or "Let me get a band-aid" if it was really bad... she told us to take an aspirin too.

My Mom was the type of person that started a party. As soon as she arrived at a get together it turned into a party... people smiled, laughed and the air became lighter. She made people happy just by saying hello to them. She was a very good listener and was very thoughtful about her responses. Mom almost never swore. If she was upset with me, she could say "Lee, what the hell were you thinking?" It was like a slap in the face. It was awful to see her upset or cry. She did not cry very often but it was heart wrenching to me when she did. Only a handful of people ever saw her without make-up or her hair unbrushed. As soon as she got up she brushed her hair and whenever we were 10 minutes from anywhere we were traveling to she got her brush out of her purse and had us all brush our hair. Mom loved her back porch. It was only a 3 season room, so in late fall and very early spring she would bundle up to sit on her porch with coffee and her newspaper. In summer she would take frequent, quick dips in our pool and would go back on the porch with her feet up. She looked so comfortable out there and so content. She hated shoes. She loved going barefoot around our house and in our yard around the pool. We actually buried her without shoes. I am sure it is what she would have wanted.

I really wish she could have gotten to spend more time with her Grandchildren. I think she'd really be proud of how they are growing up. They are all such great kids. I wish she was around to give me advice too.... and I really miss those Saturday calls.