Well, I was debating about making my 100th post some cool contest or scavenger hunt type thing.... but fate has a way of changing things. Our dog, Carmel has not been eating well for the last day or two. At first I thought it was because it was too hot to eat. Then she threw up on the couch and refused 'people' food... which she never does. She threw up two more times this morning so we made a vet appointment.
The appointment was not pleasant. I know that crying women do not impress doctors. They stop giving facts and information if the patients family starts to cry. They can't help it... they do not want to cause more pain and they are only human. Looking at Carmel as the vet talked about cancer masses and massive bleeding, I knew I was not going to be able to handle the situation. I called Pepper at home as soon as the first x-ray indicated that there was probably a problem. She was in the room with me by the time the doctor came back with the second x-ray.
The second x-ray showed a huge mass in her abdomen. The vet was explaining that her intestines were being pushed out of the way because of tumors, she was bleeding internally and whenever I looked at Carmel she wagged her tail. How the hell could I not cry?
The doctor said we could get an MRI to verify.... which included a 3 hour drive to a vet that specialized in reading dog MRI's. He did not think the finding would reveal any new information. He said he could do exploratory surgery... but he let us know that there was a great possibility that she would die on the table. And healing would be difficult. He could just take a 'peek' but he did not think that anything he found would be treatable.
We asked if she was in pain. He said yes, she was. She would be having a great deal of abdomen pain and the bleeding was only getting worse. I could tell that just by looking in Carmel's eyes.
I knew the vet was preparing to tell us about putting Carmel to sleep. I love this vet and I know he cares about Carmel and would not want to let her suffer. Several thoughts were running through my head....
Our kids are out of town with their Dads for the weekend. Coming home to Carmel being just gone would be very hard on them. They would want a chance to say good-bye. The MRI or the 'peek' would not really help. The cancer is too bad... she would never really get well. Exploratory surgery may give the vet more information and could tell us what was going on, but if she died on the table it would mean that "surgery" is a scary thing, and that is not what I want my kids to think.
We asked if we could keep Carmel comfortable until the kids were home and had a chance to say good-bye. He said yes, absolutely. We made an appointment for Tuesday. There were questions about keeping her ashes or an imprint of her paw. Lots of things to think about. As the vet left the room, he leaned over and started petting Carmel. He said, "Goldens have such a great personality and are so beautiful... but so many of them get cancer."
Carmel has been the best dog ever. For over eight years she has been an important part of our family and I am so glad for that. Tuesday will not be an easy day for any of us... please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. :)